need to be needed

its in all of us. the need to be needed. (ok, picking up on the talk from sunday...) i realised last night my longing or need to be needed. its different from being wanted, or loved. i know im wanted. i know im loved. but i dont feel needed. to be wanted is a nice feeling, but to want someone can be wrong because it is lust. to be loved is also a nice feeling, however you can be loved without being liked, and who's to say what type of love it is? to be needed is concept people dont tend to realise about until the person or thing they needed has gone-eg. my dads office didnt really realise how much they needed him til he wasnt there. as human beings, especially in a world of ever increasing robots and computers, we need to be needed. if we arent needed then what is the point of our mortal existance? more and more people are loosing their jobs because robots are gradually taking over. humans are lazy, but when they dont have anything to do, we get bored and thats when the devil takes us down. 'theres no reason for my existance. i might as well die' then it turns into wanting to die and you spiral down. its then that someone is needed to get you out of it and help you back up. everyone is needed, but what for? to need someone to need you. thats what i need.

jelousy take 2.

2nd attemt at this. lets hope it doesnt dissappear this time.

there are lots of songs saying that jelousy is wrong. but is it? it says in the bible that God is a jelous God(*?????????????????????*****). so if God is jelous, then surely its ok for us to be jelous as well? after all, arent we meant to be trying to be as perfect as God? well ive been thinking about this recently. anyway, what ive come up with is this. the jelousy that God has is different from the jelousy that we have. God is jelous of the devil because God resents the devil for taking His(God's) creation away from Him(God). God has a right to feel this way as we belong to God but the devil has taken us away by being manipulative. we on the other hand have no rights to anything. we get jelous over worldly things which leads to hate of other people, and God is a God of love so cant be in hatred so jelousy in that sense is wrong. if we are jelous FOR God, then that is godly and so isnt wrong. being jelous FOR God is by resenting the devil for taking ourselves and others away from God, this isnt resenting the people, just the devil. this is really hard to do but is the only form of pure and right jelousy. which means ive just convicted myself. hmm a few issues to get sorted methinks. maybe when im slightly less tired tho. woopedeedoo thatll probably be never cos im always tired..... well at least ive still got this post.

ill leave you with a silly comment thatll probably ruin the profoundness of this post: song to do with windows. #waiting for hours, hours turn to days, days turn to years but im still here....

had a bad day. stressful day at college and ive been snapping at everyone. ive been massing around and being silly and getting on everyones nerves all cos im tired. i walked out of the poetry evening earlier cos my head got done in by stupid things like my mates having a laugh. ive just written a really long profound entry about jelousy and the stupid laptop turns itself off. i get it working again and its lost it. grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr. so mad im punching the keys. only one week down. got another 2 to go. sorry everyone. dont mean to hurt you but chances are i will at somepoint whether it be by having a stress at you, saying the wrong thing, taking something the wrong way or something. sorry in advance. and im also sorry that i cant do anything about it until im in the lake district when ill probably be so stressed out that i wont be able to sleep. aaaaaaaaaaa. didnt want to do this. dont want to be here. want to be at whitestone. cant on a friday night tho cos it feels like id be using them as kinda a b and b. sob wimper ok gunna sign off n go to sleep. enjoy your lives

1 corinth 3 23 im christs and christ is Gods

i belong. do you? belonging: to fit into a rightful place. so to belong is to feel at peace or at home. somewhere that you feel safe. if something bad happened, the first place you would run, the first person you would ask to talk to, the person/people you would want to comfort you. ive found that. God, through whitestone. ive had many nightmares which have ended with me running to whitestone and curling up in a ball on the doorstep. sometimes a certain person would be there with their arms round me, or someone else would be the first to find me and would know the right person/people to get. its a belonging that many people in the world today are looking for. longing for. they will never find that belonging till they know love. God is love. therefore, they wont find belonging till they know God. i belong to God. if im trouble, i can run to Him and curl up in a ball on his lap and just belong.

on a slightly different note: i was inspired by a brother earlier. he was so servant hearted that he got off the bus, rolled up his sleeves and ran down leamington road, just so he could do the washing up-without having eaten there! God, may ii be that willing to forget how i am feeling and just go for iit regardless.

soup with chocolate sprinkles

i know ive gone off the whole profound thing, but some of this stuff needs to get out, or itll just fester inside.
recently God has been using other people to open up old wounds, and some new wounds, so that i can see where i need healing. it hurts loads, just like when you cut yourself, but it needs to be done otherwise you just get left with bigger scars and end up with scars on scars and that makes your 'skin' thicker so God cant get in.
Ive been getting prayer for the most obvious of my current wounds, but its going to take a long time for that to heal. i hope it doesnt get to the stage of one of my 'aquaintances' who is still greiving(or claiming that) over his grandmother, but using it to block off God. how my heart yearns to have a go at him.
ok let me explain that one. greiving is not an excuse to block off God. if anything, its a reason to come closer to Him for the love and support that has been lost. it really saddens me, and to some extent annoys me, that someone who was once so up for God and telling people about Him, now uses a human being, who died about 3 years previously, to stop himself getting close to God. im not saying anything against the grandmother. whats the point? shes dead and nothing is going to change that. its just a case of realising it. yes, its ok to greive. and yes you do have to come to terms with what has happened. but using it as an excuse for not being near to God-especially when the grandmother died several years before the grandson then became a christian.....its ludicrous. imagine it: the day of judgement. God calls you up. "sorry, who are you?" human "my nan died 55 years ago" God "yeh, i know your nan, but who are you? go to hell"
ok so it wouldnt be quite like that, but you get my point. scary thing is, realising that i wouldnt be saying this if my dad hadnt died.... hmm.
oh well. long post. spose i need more prayer for healing now. woopiededoodarday. hmm. this isnt what i was going to write about....but ive forgotten what i was! oh well. maybe next time