reflections

havent posted for a while. been busy with a project at work and my mums just gone into birmingham hospital, so its a day trip to see her twice a week, half another day checking post etc. which leaves me saturday and sunday as my days off-which if you know the Jesus Army dont have the tendancy to be days off! im currently in a band practice being semi techie, tho techie dad is doing most things.
Gods doing something inside, not sure what tho. just feel like im on the verge of crying most of the time. suspect half of it is being tired, half of it is stress and the other half is just being extra sensitive to things. for the mathmaticians out there, that was deliberate. everything seems to be too much when i think about it, i dont understand why my head hasnt exploded yet. on the outside i keep things together, but ive always done that unless i really really cant take it anymore, and then i feel like im attention seeking-which is probably why i dont do it very often.
listening to the band rehearsing, all the singers can sing really well, but those that are the most prominant are those that are confident-as you would expect. the 2 that are the quietest have really good voices too, but havent quite got to the point of 'not caring what people think as its God that im worshipping'. trying to encourage them doesnt seem to work. never does when i say things. i know ive just gone from being positive to being negative. i guess ive still got work to do on the confidence front. i never seem to make a difference. try to, just never seems to work. guess its part of being unseen in the body of christ. watching people grow, wanting them to get closer to God, but i seem to be stuck. lol just remembered one of my usual phrases from walking trips. 'go ahead, ill catch you up'. does that work for the kingdom? arent we meant to take people with us and not leave them behind? i dunno. would just rather i was the one left behind rather than anyone else.