monday-last day of marquee
today has been ok, though still a bit stressy. started the day with a half hour walk round the block. found the spirit more today. was thinking about the past few days and what God wants, and my view of God. i also realised that, actually, there are a few people who are lacking in faith. a few people have prayed with me over this weekend, and some before, about the scars on my arms. i have really been held back by them cos i get really self concious as to whether they can be seen, plus my mum brings it up quite alot(even though i stopped self harming over a year ago). i asked for prayer that God would remove them so that i wont be held back anymore, but those that prayed with me said that they couldnt do that, God wouldnt take the scars away. what they would pray for me about though was that i wouldnt be concious of them and the memories surrounding them would go. this has got me thinking, and brought my spirits down too. i believe in a God that can do anything. He heals broken bones, He brings people back from the dead-so why cant he remove the scars from my arms? why cant He heal me?
when i got back to my house i was greated by my mother saying something to do with having burglars. she didnt even let me get up the stairs before trying to give me a hug-which would have been ok had she not tried to throw my bag down in the process and did she not have a different attitude to everyone else. when my sister comes here, shes allowed to get in the house, in the bedroom and given half an hour before she is 'attacked' by the parents. when my gran comes to visit, her room has to be ready so she can settle in cos 'its not nice when you stay round someones house and you cant get in your room streight away - you need time to chill from your journey before having to face everyone' so what does she do to me? the complete opposite. reminds me a bit of what our church leader was saying about hating your natural family - well I DO!!!! the sooner i get out of this dump the better. ill be less depressed and more in the spirit.
posted by HR?I at 4:30 pm
6 Comments:
Hey!
I'm thinking God doesnt want you to forget about your past. Although being baptised is like starting a new page in your life you can still turn back the page to have a look. It shouldnt hurt to read something that you have already read. But I agree with the not being conscious of them.
Now here's something else. Recently I seem 2 be thinking about random things and then find out that it is a problem to someone. For example, I was just thinking only a few hours ago about people self harming and remembered that you did it ages ago. And I thought, "I wonder if the scars have gone?" Then i just came on here and read this! I hope that doesnt make another "insightful". That would be fairly confusing.
Hope things go well. I'm prayin 4 ya 2.
Andy
9:52 pm
Hi Helen
I finally found your blog. It makes very interesting reading. Fancy you sharing your heart with the whole world!
On healing, of course God can do anything. But doesn't that mean he might not necessarily do what we want him to? His healing is often much deeper that we imagine. He is interested in the deepest things of the heart, the causes of the pain which makes us self-harm and the psychological damage which is worse than physical scars. He is healing you through prayer and through your relationships. One day he may remove the scars on your arm as well, or he might not, because he will do what is best and right in his eyes.
Either way I, and many others here, love you and will keep loving you.
Carole
11:47 am
Super color scheme, I like it! Keep up the good work. Thanks for sharing this wonderful site with us.
»
7:21 am
Your are Nice. And so is your site! Maybe you need some more pictures. Will return in the near future.
»
1:28 am
Nice idea with this site its better than most of the rubbish I come across.
»
6:47 am
Super color scheme, I like it! Good job. Go on.
»
10:31 am
Post a Comment
<< Home