to be honest, im having doubts. but i look at the doubts and see they are unfounded, so must be attacks from the devil, thus im fighting them. i have a fear. many fears, but one i cant seem to overcome at the moment. im rambling. #i think im cracking up# basket case, dookie, Greenday

i thought i was weird, the only one who has problem parents. i was wrong. recently ive been finding out that more and more people at whitestone have had bad relationships with one or other of their parents. it gives me hope that im not as strange as i once thought. oogaboogaweeeeeeeeeeeeee

my favorite song recently has been 'california' by phantom planet. the only explanation i have is that my best(and only) friend at college used to play it, and now hes in spain or somewhere, but im probably never gunna see him again cos hes going to uni. it just seems to me that everything good in my life, all the great friends i make, all the situations that i love(garage, easter people, stonleigh bible week, college, outwardbound etc.) all leave me. easter people finishes next year, they are going to replace it with something else that i wont be able to go to, stoneleigh finished 5 years ago, the garage was only 2 weeks(even though i dragged a third out) college wont be the same next year, and the year after it will be on a different site and ill be on a different course. i guess im just scared of loosing everything, not of dying cos that wont make any difference, but of loosing everything good in the mean time. i try clinging on to people, then they reject me even more and i cant cope but i dont know how to deal with it.