life....?

well today has been a nice change. playing sardines most of the afternoon was fun. something childish to keep my mind occupied and my mental age somewhere near what its meant to be. the evening doing the one thing i really enjoy. ive gone off lighting at the moment. ill do it, and id still rather do that than nothing, but there's nothing challenging about it. you cant get anything wrong. no one really cares if there arent any fancy lights and there's at least 5 other people i can think of that can do them. projection/sound is more intresting. theres variety: videos, slides, songs and you have to be concentrating most of the time. its unpredictable and so easy to mess up-at least for me. im learning new things all the time and there is only one other person that does it. everyone notices if its not there/working. it helps people to worship and get close to God, rather than just looking fancy. it also means i can hide from people, which isnt my main reason for it, but it can help. if i just need to go somewhere out of the way and breakdown then i can. i also seem to be able to conect with God alot more. i think its because hardly anyone can see/hear me so im less self concious and i dont have to put my hands in the air or whatever cos i need to use them on the desk. i suppose theres also the thing of giving enables you to recieve.
sorry this isnt very profound. its midnight. ill have another couple of hours up in which ill be even more jibberish, but yeh thats how my lifes going at the mo. trying to get back to asic normality but its not really working. woo for being mentally ancient.